


The First Step of the Escape

by Creature_Ariel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Dark, Depression, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Sad Sirius Black, Self-Hatred, Sirius Black Angst, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22196476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creature_Ariel/pseuds/Creature_Ariel
Summary: "In Azkaban, memories have shape. They swirl in front of your eyes as giant blobs of blackness. They tremble in the air like echoes of a flame, taunting you for your mistakes. They sit like elephants on your crackly ribcage, trumpeting their way through a delicate requiem. They weight on you like a red cloak you can't shake off. They blaze sharply from one corner of your mind to another. Sirius Black knew this because he saw every shape a memory can have."Azkaban, Sirius Black in Azkaban, and a little hope.
Kudos: 8





	The First Step of the Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up, this is a pretty dark fic. Love you all!

In Azkaban, memories have shape. They swirl in front of your eyes as giant blobs of blackness. They tremble in the air like echoes of a flame, taunting you for your mistakes. They sit like elephants on your crackly ribcage, trumpeting their way through a delicate requiem. They weight on you like a red cloak you can't shake off. They blaze sharply from one corner of your mind to another. Sirius Black knew this because he saw every shape a memory can have.

In Azkaban, emotions leave your mind straight into your body. You don't feel fear, you throw up from it. You don't feel anger, you feel your heart pulsating its way out of your chest. Depression is the constant nagging headache you have. Self-loathing is the soreness in your fingers after you tried to break them. Guilt is the thing that buckles your knees, pulling you to the ground to cry. Sirius Black knew this because he felt every emotion Azkaban had to offer.

In Azkaban there are no thoughts. You get tired of thinking after a day in there. You get tired of feeling after two weeks. After that, it's just numbness and memories. Like death. Like being a ghost. It's just constant pain and the weight of keeping on to live. But in Azkaban there's one thought worse than any memory. One thought more torturous than any physical manifestation of emotional pain.

That you somehow deserved it.

That's the thought that leaves inmates hollowed out, the one that steals the last flicker of humanity from their eyes, the one that makes them bawl for days on end, the thought that makes them wish to be kissed.

Sirius Black thought he deserved lots of things. Horrible things. But he knew he didn't deserve Azkaban. And that knowledge was the first step of his escape.


End file.
